I sit here surrounded by piles of notes, waiting to be loved and touched. Yes, I will get to them as soon as possible. One exam down 2 more to go. Well, I don't want to say much about the first one. I think it was okie, but more importantly, I reliased that people around you are not exactly the people who you think they are.

My Journey

Today, I was reminded after such a long time, on why I embarked on this journey. A jouney that many questioned, a journey that many discouraged and yet a journey many wanted, most important a journey that I wanted. A journey that I felt would mean a lot to me.

Yes, I was allowed to choose the journey I am on now but all of sudden I felt that I was drifting from my loved journey. But after today, I realised, how much this journey meant to me and that I will do what ever it takes to make this journey work.

I love what I do. Complaining about the workload, long classes, exams after exams, assignments one after the other is something we all do, I do it too. But deep down, at the end of the day, we do what is necessary to complete and get through everything. If it means sacrificing sleep and play, we still do it, I still to do it(still play more though). But yes, deep down, I honestly wouldn't trade my journey for anything. I love what I do, I really love what I do.

I realised, that any journey you take, there may be many detours, but simply things and gestures gets you back on track. Drifting or not, I feel I am back on my journey. A journey I always wanted. A journey that means the world to me.

Essence of the present

Things change, people change, perceptions change, circumstances change. Maybe for the good, maybe not. This got me thinking, how much life has changed since I started medical school. New friends, new environment, staying away from home for the first time. I know how my dad felt allowing his little baby stay away. I turned 21 this year, and yet I am still his innocent "little"baby. I might not be a " little baby" anymore, but yes, still innocent.

As part of our assignment this year, all of us were attached to an organization where we had to do a community project as well as take part in their activities planned for us. Not getting any of my top three choices of placement, I was upset in the beginning. Its not a pleasant thing to know that people who submitted after you got their preferred choice but then again the selection is done by the computer. So, no way I can blame anyone. Learning how to live with I have was a better option. Then, after my first meeting with my group members, I realized, that I actually like my group and the place that I was attached to. 4 crazy, noisy and weird girls together sounded really fun. But the point here, these were my batch mates that I have known over a year and I never knew we could get along so well. These were the people that I used to just say hello or a smile when I bump into them along the corridors, but everything is so different now. Everyone have their own so called "gang" or group of friends that you are closed to, spend most of your time with and you really do not know about the rest. If not for my initially dreaded placement, I would not have these people as well as I do now.

I am enjoying my placement. Although, I don't look forward to waking up extra early every Thursday especially when you have 3 roommates who are still curled up in their beds, the time we spent and the activities done proves to be far more fulfilling. Talking to the clients there touring around the city to see how people live in third world class conditions and the stigma and judgment that people face in their daily life has changed my perception and outlook of life.

How lucky I am to have what I have. How lucky I am to be where I am today. And yet, many of us are not satisfied with what we have. Don't get me wrong, striving for the best is not wrong.Wanting to achieve more and to be the best is not wrong and that is what probably I would also do, but how many of us actually take time to appreciate what we have? When was the last time you sat and thought how lucky you are to have the basic needs of life, a roof over your head, 3 meals a day? When was the last time you spoke to a friend that helped you a long time ago, just to say hi? Said thank you to our parents for everything?

I saw smiles on faces of those who were having the free lunch knowing that they might not even get dinner or where to sleep at night. People who enjoyed the moment and not worried about what lies ahead.

Things may not always seem fantastic. Everyday would not be Sunday. Work for the best but take time to enjoy the current. The current may not superb but nothing guarantees the future would be too. Cherish the current and the future may seem more meaningful. :)

Well, it has been more than a month since I turned 21 and yeah, this "still cute little" (I don't think I am cute) girl has turned 21.

People have constantly asked the "usual" questions: what is it like to be 21? Practically an adult now, can you make decisions?

What is it like to be 21 you ask, I say NO difference. I run the same routine as was when I was 20, I don't think I suddenly became mature over a year, I still behave like a child sometimes, talk like one too, never want to make my own decisions, still daddy's little girl, so yeah nothing has changed.

Some part of me hope somethings will change, but another likes the way things are at the moment. Then again, change is inevitable, it will happen soon. Am I ready? I am not sure, but I will, I hope someday. Turning 21 is not going to give me all the answers and maturity suddenly, its what I have learnt till I turned 21 will and what I am about to learn.

So to all those questions, I am still the way I am: still learning, still changing, still exploring:)

ps: I had a sms on my birthday from a friend: You are old enough to vote!
Old enough, yes; mature enough, I wonder!

I have my bed and my teddy tonight, what else do I need for a good night sleep!

2 weeks away from home, I began to appreciate the wonders of being in the comfort of home and familiarity.

As I go through the pictures and the talk about my trip to another land, other details float in my mind.

The power of language. Speaking a language not known to others around you so that you can pass info the those who do understand. How my dad and I talked about so many things and people around us just eavesdrop although they don't understand a single word we say.

The some sign of happiness we get when we meet some one there from here, although we are surrounded by own relatives there.

The fact that we still have good and obedient drivers here!

How most of us don't even know how our neighbours look like.

:)

The journey

I have always loved traveling by trains. By this, yes, I also mean the local public transport system trains. True, people have complained how bad the trains are at times, I have enjoyed most of my rides:)

The times where I have had random people smile at me, the times where I randomly play with kids next to me and have people stare at the title of the book that you're reading ( I had people trying to read the back cover too). The times where I get squashed between people due to my height, how some passengers scold other passengers who get into the train without letting others disembark first, how most people check their phones as soon as they get into the train and the random conversations I had.

But most of all, I enjoy just sitting and starring thorough the window. Looking through the clouds and the mind wanders to a far away land. The present does not matter anymore. Not even the people around you. I love this moments. It gives a certain pleasure that we tend to miss everyday. The only time, where you rule everything. There is no limitation what so ever.
And I thats what I did today!

A week ago..

Exactly a week ago, the big day that we all have been waiting and planning for months finally came. The conference, EAMSC 2009! Months of planning and discussing over and over again the timetable, never getting past discussing Day 1, Day 1 was here. People were flying in from all over and we were still doing last minute preparations.

4 days of conference was pure fun. Meeting people of different culture, norms, values and principles. 200 over students coming from different backgrounds and sharing their experiences is one in a life time experience. What is bigger than that is the fact, that we organised the conference with no knowledge or little knowledge on how a conference was done was amazing. And today to look back, at what we have achieved and done, I think we all did a fantastic job and deserve a pat on our backs. Although there were minor glitches, on the whole the conference was a success. From where I stand, I realised at some point or rather, doing only what we have to do is not sufficient. Stepping up and helping others would mean a lot to them, I have learnt. And best of all, nothing beats working together as team. The sense of connectedness that was present was invaluable. Not just among other delegates, but also among us, from the same university. I got to know some of my seniors better and for the first time spoken to some. All this while, it was only a smile along the corridor or an hello, but working with them was a whole new experience. And to see everyone leave their differences behind and work hand in hand was amazing.

As for the conference, the lessons learnt was priceless. Well, it was not about learning on the illness per say, but more about how to make a change and creating awareness among public particularly youths on HIV/AIDS. The sessions were impactful and powerful. It really makes you want to do something- make a change. It gave me a whole new perspective on approaches in creating awareness. Besides that, I realized that, there is no point in waiting for others to make a change, it all starts within us. If I can take a small step and do something, someone else might follow suit-a snowball effect-will definitely have an impact on the community and society. As some of us were discussing the other day, our plans to put what was learnt during the conference to good use, many difference ideas came up. All I hope is, no matter where we are, all these ideas will be carried out successfully.

I have made friends from all over, got souvenirs, exchanged name cards and had lots of fun but most of all, I have learnt many new things that will change my values, principles, purpose, perception and the person I am. I have found the courage to make a change and definitely move on from there. Taking small steps.

On the whole, I never went to medical school thinking that I will be part of a conference let alone help organise it, but here I am. Much of things learnt during the conference is not something that we would get in a classroom environment everyday. It is not about what was being taught but more of what you feel of what was being taught. The experiences I gained will always be a part of me and who I am.

The most important lesson, no matter where you are: It's not the illness that kills, its the stigma!